Nearly to an end

Well 2011 is nearly at an end, i really dont know where the time has gone, Or really what has happened this year, as the past 3 weeks have been a blur let along almost 52 weeks

So much stuff this year i am very thankful for,

The birth of Jade,
My husband
My mother (who has been here giving me a hand through the pregnancy and still helping out)
My close friends and family,
People all over the world for their prayers for little Jade
My boys staying healthy and growing strong,
my little angle Bryce watching over us keeping us all safe,

I really wonder what 2012 will bring for us? I am hoping to be returning to work, to give Daniel a bit of a hand, I hope the boys are a lot better behaved, and i pray that Jade will come out of all of this with out any brain damage, and that she will be home with us before 2012

More Kind Words and Prayers

Garret Niwa

Just sending this out to as many people as possible. This is Jade Atkinson. She was born premature and is having a little difficulty acclimating to the outside world and currently is experiencing seizures and a brain bleed. Her Mommy, Sarah, and I were both due in January, and through a group of wonderful ladies, we have come to know her family and this precious little baby girl. Please keep her family in your thoughts and praters.

Saturday at 10:22am · 

Sheri Hardison

This is Little Jade Atkinson her mommie is Sarah Maree Atkinson a facebook gaming online friend of mine. Though we have never meet I consider her my friend. Little Jade is very sick please prayer for her. Her mommy, Daddy and two big brothers want her well and at home. Pray God we ask for your healing hands to touch lil Jade's underdeveloped lil body and stops the seizures she is having in your Gracious Heavenly name. Amen.

Saturday at 3:40am ·

Why us? Why Jade?

SO yesterday wasn't a very  good day at all, well the start of it was great, i got to the hospital to see Jade and was told she was moving to special care, I thought that was awesome, she a little bit later on while we were in special care, i was just getting ready to express, and i noticed that Jade had started to shake then went into convulsions this started at 12.05pm, right in front of my eyes i was so scared i didn't know what to do, or how to help her, the nurse called for the doctor straight away and he came running, and how i started to get pushed out of the way so the doctors and nurses could do their work and to make sure that Jade was OK, I went out to grab a coffee while the doctors were there, as i was just getting in peoples way and i needed to tell Daniel what was going on, i left my mobile number with the nurse and told her i would be back in 10 mins, i was on my way back when i got the phone call from the nurse to say that she was getting moved back to ICU1 Critical Care Unit, when i got in there there were Doctors everywhere, they Put Jade on a Brains Monitor, to monitor her brain waves, and to see if she was having/had any more Seizures, seeing them putting monitors into her head broke my heart, they had to put them just under the skin, All i wanted to do was to hold her and to tell her that everything was going to be ok,

The doctor then came to me and started talking to me so i knew what was going on, at this stage i was in the corner bawling my eyes out, She said that they had picked up on her last Head ultrasound that Jade had, had a 2nd degree Brain Bleed and they though that this could of been what was causing the seizures and that they were going to keep Jade on the Brains Monitor for 24 hours to see if they could pick up any more (thats if she had any more) And that they were also going to do another Brain Ultrasound, bloods, Blood Gases and a lumber puncture

This morning i called for an update to see how she was over night, and she had had another lot of abnormal brain activity, they wasnt sure if it was another seizure or not, though still waiting for the higher up Doctors to come and assess, also when this happened her heart rate went to 230bpm,

The Doctors have also told us, due to the brain bleed we could be facing Disability or Brain Damage though Daniel and I will cross that road if we ever come to it

Jade is stable at the moment, though i am not allowed to hold her and if i touch her it can only be for a couple of minutes, i feel so useless, my little girl is sick for some reason, and there is nothing that i can do to help her or to make all this stop :(

Over It

I am so damn over it... things seem to be getting thrown at us left right and center its never ending....

Daniel and I have just over 3 weeks to move.. we have to be out of here by the 10th November whether we have a place or not... we have looked at quite a few, though the application form never gets put in on time, due to Daniel not really liking the place, and hoping that something better comes along.. or me being in the hospital and waiting for someone to bring the form up to me to fill in..

So on top of that i also received my car rego today that has to be paid for in the next couple of weeks ($304 for 6 months, or $583.60 for 12 months)
Plus a power bill that is now over due... We had someone here staying/living with us, that was meant to chip in and help pay for some of it as they were here for most of it though yeah haven't been able to get anything out of them o that (power bill was just over $400)



So on top of all this, my doctors have said that i need to remain stress free HA! yeah right, how can i be stress free with all of this going on????

Also i can go into labor any day so the anxiety of that is weighing don over the top of me as well... its honestly never ending isn't it.....

Its been to long

Sorry it have been for ever since i last made a post, I have wanted to make a post  for a while though i go to sit down and write it and have a mind blank with what i want to say

First off i am now 25 weeks and 3 days gestation, it has been a fight to get this far though i am very grateful for it, I have just come home from hospital after spending 2 1/2 weeks on hospital bed rest due to PTL, the doctors didnt give Princess a good out come with saying that i was going to deliver any day, though i remembered what theysaid when i was in there with Deacan and he lasted 11 weeks,
I'm grateful foral te help and support that i have/ had while being in there with al the new firends thati made that i will always carry close to my heart, and from all the help from my family and all the prayers and positive thoughts that friends gave,

Both Deacan and Jason are going great, Both have grown so much, and both now have their own little personalities though i will go into that more in a separate post,


Daniel and i are house hunting at the moment as we need to be out of our hose by 10th November (our 4th wedding anniversary) Just trying to find something that suits us and is in our price rage is starting to be more difficult than i thought,

Work

I just don't know any more, i really don't,
Daniel has started a new job been there for about 7 to 8 weeks now,he works in the city he is up between 5.30am and 6am, out of the house no later than 7.15am and doesn't get home until any where from 6.30 to 8.30pm by that stage the boys are in bed 7 times out of 10 by the time Daniel gets home,
Daniel left his old job due to the hours and the strain it put on us as a family plus he also done a lot more than what he got paid for
I know that his new work is about $12k more per year or maybe more and he does have to put extra hours in here and there, tough almost every night?? he works more at this job then his last job.. i don't want to be married to one of those guys who puts their work first over their family... How are things going to be once the new baby comes along? i cant even see him being able to take time off when she is born,  let alone being able to be there fr the labor

Candle Making

So i think i am going to start getting into candle making, im not really sure where to start or how to do it, though might look in at some art stores and see prices etc, and ten talk to daniel about it and see what he thinks, as i would really like to be able to work from home and to be able to help out financially, not to sure howwell it would go toughi could always give i a go, make a whole heap then take them to the markets or something

Secrets out

Well my secret is out due to a very nasty person on facebook,
Daniel and I are having a little girl.....

4 out of 8

So now it has been 4 out of 8 nights now Daniel  has woken me up rooting my butt my while moaning and gowning another chicks name this is seriously a joke now...... next time he does it i a going to grab it and twist it to the point he wakes up screaming or it breaks

you ask you get told

well i guess i was asking for it, and i souldof know better,

though after Daniel having his "wild" dreams about a lady he works with, i asked him if he found her attractive or had a crush on her, and well yep he finds her attractive i guess tough who wouldn't find her attractive, i posted a photo of her on here, and yeah she really is.....

I guess it wouldn't hurt as bad, if it was any other night but last night, i gave him sex twice yesterday once in the afternoon and once right before he went to sleep, to wake up to him having one of "those" dreams.. kinda made me feel like crap that it wasn't good enough

Normally i am quite a vain person, though lately i feel horrible and unattractive and it doesn't help when my own husband doesn't even look at me that way any more, doesn't give me kisses or hugs or even tel me that i look lovely or pretty, though it quite happy to tel me i am getting fat

Am i over reacting to all of this?? or do i have a right to feel like i do? i really feel like if i told him to go and have sex with her that it is ok to that he would :( and that he would drop me like an egg on a hard floor :(, maybe it would be nice if he introduced me to her, so she could see and know just how i fee and stop egging it on i guess, or that i could tell her what she is doing to our marriage,

I honestly feel like getting a private investigator and see what he is doing where he is going and all of that, though i really shouldn't have to, Daniel should be able to tell me what is going on and how he feels with out hiding anything from me, if he was 100% honest with me maybe i wouldn't be feeling like this... or if he told me i was pretty every now and again that would be nice to

Cats away, the mouse com out to play!!!!

SO i have been informed that "I" have to go up to Maryborough to pick the car up and drive it back down by myself
I dont trust Daniel i dont trust him at all and he knows that, last time i had to go up to maryborough i came home to find that he had been emailing a whorehouse regarding sex and was having phone sex with a hooker, so daniel is being quite firm that i  have to go andpick the car up... so i wonder what shit he is going to be gettin up to

House of Sickness

So if you want to get sick seems like my place is the place to be,
Everyon in this house issick,
we have the dreaded "man flu"
The kids have a head cold/cough
and i have a very severe case of bronchitis/boarder line pneumonia, and the flu

i really hate this man flu thing... the guys suck when they are sick, the whole world is going to end as they are SO sick
mind you i called 000 for myself at 1am Saturday morning due to the fact i couldn't breath, and i spent almost all morning up at the hospital with them running all kinds of tests and Daniel didn't really give two shits about it, he was just pissed off that he had to get up early to watch the kids, as no one was here, and he didn't get a sleep in, so when i finally get home i go to bed to rest and do you think he came in to see how i was? or txt me to see how i was feeling? he really couldnt care,
All i got was  "know you know how i feel" like WTF!!! he isn't even as sick as me at least he can/could breath, and i dint get much of a rest any way i still had to look after the kids, and h gets shity when i told him i was going back to bed, Mind you i am like 15 weeks pregnant to, and i nee to rest, as being this sick cant be good for the baby... though the whole world needs to stop when the man flu is involved
AHH it just shits me

15 weeks

YAY i have made it to 15 weeks, only 9 more weeks until viability and only 25 more weeks until my due date

 things seem to be going so quickly, though i am glad, i don't want a pregnancy that is going to drag...


Things between Daniel and i are still not good, i honestly don't trust that there is nothing going on, the way he acts around other ladies, the things he says and does, like he flirts with them right in front of me, and it doesn't help that these ladies are VERY pretty as well and he does it all the time on facebook, I tel hm how i feel and i get the whole "your starting your paranoid shit" speech, makes me feel great, that i cant even talk to my own husband about anything... then h wonders why i don talk to him and why i put everything in my blog for, thoughi know he has me feeling worthless and horrible,
I feel like a skeleton, skin and bone, with a horrible mouth and a fat pregnancy belly, I dont feel pretty and defiantly dont feel pretty up against the other girls maybe its just my hormones maybe its something else i really dont know
Daniel carries his phone round everywhere with him, ts always on him and always going off, and as soon as it goes off he either walks outside to answer the txt or the phone cal or walks away from me, i ask "who is it" and he gets shity and doesnt really answer

Not happy at all...

im so not happy with Daniel, whats so ever....

First off now he is showing no interest in me what so ever, everything is an effort... a kiss or cuddle or holding my hand...
Told him i was going to buy him a new wedding band as his old one no longer fits.. he doesn't want to wear it....

And now to top it off he is adding all these pretty girls on facebook that live in Brisbane... and he is ALWAYS taking about a "Roxie" girl he works with, and wouldn't you know it she is smoking hot....

He knows i don't really trust him for past events that he has done, and now this.... and when ever i ask him about her he either changes the subject or doesn't answer me

Im over it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mornings

Every morning in this house hold is such a pain in the butt, and very busy between getting Daniel up for work and the kids ready for daycare, then trying to clean up dishes bottles etc, its full on,

I get up most mornings between 4.30am and 5am, then need to get Daniel up at 5.30am then the boys wake up any where from 6am onwards we leave here between 7 and 8am, to get them to daycare....

I really hate mornings

Making money from home

so Daniel and I have tried to do though "make Money From Home" things that you see online all the time and we were ripped off from it we put about $200 into it and didn't get anything out of it, so i just seen a different one and thought i would fill it in and give it a go, so the guy called me about it asked me a couple of questions the turned around and asked if we had $140 to start it up today, i said NO a we just dont it, and he said that we needed it to start it up and hung up on me,
Um like honestly who has a spare $140 that they can just throw around? i know we honestly dont, we 2 kids to feed and having 4 adults living in my house, i thin the 140 would be better spent else where
I have just started to do AVON again to try and make some extra money


Q. what do you do to try and save money or make a little extra?