raising my kids

what is it with people who think they can raise my kids!!!!!! they are mine not yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


that is all

New car

So looks like next Tuesday or Wednesday i get to get my new car, I am looking forward to it, though i have to go 3 1/2 hours north to pick it up, so that's the only downer to it, though i get freedom back YAY

writing a book

I think i am going to write a book, though im not 100% sure what to write about or what to put in it, maybe if i just do a lot of writing an then just put it all in order  then see whats happens, tough its so hard with what to write, as other people will be reading it, i dont want to do an autobiography though i dont want to have a fiction book either Im sure i'll figure something out, just gotta start putting stuff down,

16w1d

                                                             15w5d

                                                               16w1d



Well i had a Quick scan today to check if peanut was ok, due to the lack of movement and bad lower back pain, and pressure though peanut is fine has a heart rate of 156bpm and my cervix is now 35mm,  so even with the progesterone now, its kepingmy cervix long, there wasalso no funneling either sothats a realy good sign,
Im guessing i could feel peanut for over a day is because he/she is sitting right back low, like right up near my back, im guessing hence why  have so much lower back pain and pressure as well....

There was a huge debate thing on my facebook wall, about other ladies telling me to go p to the hospital ETC and get checked out and how i should be having steroid shot ra ra ra all that other bullshit, i dont really wan to go into FULL detail in why i did, though long story short, i have already been told "your baby is going o be born today and die" and i really didnt want to hear those words again, you can cal me selfish an a bad mother all you want though, words like that REALLY hurt at the best o times, let alone sitting in a cold, emergency room and getting told that again

I have my OB appointment on Tuesday, he is going to roll his yes at me and possibly have a go at me, im nearly 100% sure that my OB hates me... though there isnt much i can do about it but suck it up and deal with it.. then another scan on Friday, my big scan I'll be just over 17 weeks so hopefully i will be able to tell if peanut is a boy or girl, so i can stat giving it a name :) instead of just calling it peanut LOL...

Im not sure if i should tel people the sex of the baby, only because i remember the amount of crap i got last time when i found out Deacan was a boy, and i am REALLY not in the mood again for all that crap to start again, and either way people wont be happy and if they want a reason to bitch they will, though I am happy with either sex of the baby, a BOY would be great as i already have had 3 i have raised  2 and i know the boys will play great together, though a GIRL would be great to as i have never had a girl and  i want to do all the things that my mum never had done with me,

oh yeah here a list of my cervix measurements as well

13w1d 40mm
15w1d 31mm 

Progesterone pessaries started 200mg 1x a day
16w1d 35mm 


Any way that is it for now, i'll come back later and type, il try to have a VERY HAPPY blog post next time :)

4 out of 8

So now it has been 4 out of 8 nights now Daniel  has woken me up rooting my butt my while moaning and gowning another chicks name this is seriously a joke now...... next time he does it i a going to grab it and twist it to the point he wakes up screaming or it breaks

you ask you get told

well i guess i was asking for it, and i souldof know better,

though after Daniel having his "wild" dreams about a lady he works with, i asked him if he found her attractive or had a crush on her, and well yep he finds her attractive i guess tough who wouldn't find her attractive, i posted a photo of her on here, and yeah she really is.....

I guess it wouldn't hurt as bad, if it was any other night but last night, i gave him sex twice yesterday once in the afternoon and once right before he went to sleep, to wake up to him having one of "those" dreams.. kinda made me feel like crap that it wasn't good enough

Normally i am quite a vain person, though lately i feel horrible and unattractive and it doesn't help when my own husband doesn't even look at me that way any more, doesn't give me kisses or hugs or even tel me that i look lovely or pretty, though it quite happy to tel me i am getting fat

Am i over reacting to all of this?? or do i have a right to feel like i do? i really feel like if i told him to go and have sex with her that it is ok to that he would :( and that he would drop me like an egg on a hard floor :(, maybe it would be nice if he introduced me to her, so she could see and know just how i fee and stop egging it on i guess, or that i could tell her what she is doing to our marriage,

I honestly feel like getting a private investigator and see what he is doing where he is going and all of that, though i really shouldn't have to, Daniel should be able to tell me what is going on and how he feels with out hiding anything from me, if he was 100% honest with me maybe i wouldn't be feeling like this... or if he told me i was pretty every now and again that would be nice to

Cats away, the mouse com out to play!!!!

SO i have been informed that "I" have to go up to Maryborough to pick the car up and drive it back down by myself
I dont trust Daniel i dont trust him at all and he knows that, last time i had to go up to maryborough i came home to find that he had been emailing a whorehouse regarding sex and was having phone sex with a hooker, so daniel is being quite firm that i  have to go andpick the car up... so i wonder what shit he is going to be gettin up to

House of Sickness

So if you want to get sick seems like my place is the place to be,
Everyon in this house issick,
we have the dreaded "man flu"
The kids have a head cold/cough
and i have a very severe case of bronchitis/boarder line pneumonia, and the flu

i really hate this man flu thing... the guys suck when they are sick, the whole world is going to end as they are SO sick
mind you i called 000 for myself at 1am Saturday morning due to the fact i couldn't breath, and i spent almost all morning up at the hospital with them running all kinds of tests and Daniel didn't really give two shits about it, he was just pissed off that he had to get up early to watch the kids, as no one was here, and he didn't get a sleep in, so when i finally get home i go to bed to rest and do you think he came in to see how i was? or txt me to see how i was feeling? he really couldnt care,
All i got was  "know you know how i feel" like WTF!!! he isn't even as sick as me at least he can/could breath, and i dint get much of a rest any way i still had to look after the kids, and h gets shity when i told him i was going back to bed, Mind you i am like 15 weeks pregnant to, and i nee to rest, as being this sick cant be good for the baby... though the whole world needs to stop when the man flu is involved
AHH it just shits me

15 weeks

YAY i have made it to 15 weeks, only 9 more weeks until viability and only 25 more weeks until my due date

 things seem to be going so quickly, though i am glad, i don't want a pregnancy that is going to drag...


Things between Daniel and i are still not good, i honestly don't trust that there is nothing going on, the way he acts around other ladies, the things he says and does, like he flirts with them right in front of me, and it doesn't help that these ladies are VERY pretty as well and he does it all the time on facebook, I tel hm how i feel and i get the whole "your starting your paranoid shit" speech, makes me feel great, that i cant even talk to my own husband about anything... then h wonders why i don talk to him and why i put everything in my blog for, thoughi know he has me feeling worthless and horrible,
I feel like a skeleton, skin and bone, with a horrible mouth and a fat pregnancy belly, I dont feel pretty and defiantly dont feel pretty up against the other girls maybe its just my hormones maybe its something else i really dont know
Daniel carries his phone round everywhere with him, ts always on him and always going off, and as soon as it goes off he either walks outside to answer the txt or the phone cal or walks away from me, i ask "who is it" and he gets shity and doesnt really answer

dentist

had my second Dentist appointment today,

Wish i never had it now, I had 7 yep that's right 7 needles in my mouth, 3 fillings, and they tried to pull my back molar out though they couldn't get it numb, The dentist said that i have an infection in it, so i now have to take antibiotics 3 times a day for 5 days then go back and hope they can numb it
All this was done on the top right half of my mouth, i go back next Thursday to to the bottom right hand side, i had the needles at 11.30 and all the numbing didnt wear off until around 5pm, and now my mouth hurts more then what it did before they started

Whats the point

Don't no what the point is anymore

how can i seriously compare  with this?

this is the one daniel was dreaming about last nigt moaning andgrowning, abut then cuddled up to me with a hard on.... se is way to pretty... i can compare to this..... im just skin and bone with a pregy belly......

Not happy at all...

im so not happy with Daniel, whats so ever....

First off now he is showing no interest in me what so ever, everything is an effort... a kiss or cuddle or holding my hand...
Told him i was going to buy him a new wedding band as his old one no longer fits.. he doesn't want to wear it....

And now to top it off he is adding all these pretty girls on facebook that live in Brisbane... and he is ALWAYS taking about a "Roxie" girl he works with, and wouldn't you know it she is smoking hot....

He knows i don't really trust him for past events that he has done, and now this.... and when ever i ask him about her he either changes the subject or doesn't answer me

Im over it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vent

Ok i really need to vent, Im not going to put it in any order, or aim it at anyone, i just need to get this of my chest  and out of my head

I am over having to watch my mouth around other people, why should i be the one who is careful with what they say when others dont give a shit what they say to me, i Have to suck it up and deal with it, even if what they say to me hurts me, though they are able to say whatever they want around me, i dont think thats fair do you?

I'm over not having a car and having to have other people drive me and my kids around, when 9 times out of 10 the ride falls through and i have to either cancel or become over stressed to find a new ride, because it can never fall through a couple of days before your appointment it has to fall through the day before or on that day, i want to have my own freedom back

Why cant i have a straight forward pregnancy? why does mine have to have a lot of problems or be life threatening to myself or my unborn child's life? Why cant i have an easy one for? problem free?

Kids keep driving me mental, i think they are just at that age where they re pushing and being naughty to see what they can get away with and what they cant, Jason is going through the terrible 2's with force, if there is anything to get into he is into it, deacan has just started biting and pinching and they are both just so CLINGY!!!! i know they re just kids and they are just pushing their boundaries though seriously enough is enough

this is more than likely my hormones though just need to get it out

14 weeks

Im 14 weeks today, its starting to go fast,
there is a max of 26 weeks to go i at least wanna go another 24 weeks,

im starting to get scared now though, as it is really starting to sink in, i am going to have 3 under 3!!!!!! how am i going to cope??? the boys get to me know, how am i going o go with 3???

Baby names

i need some hep picking out some uni sexed names, for peanut

dont really know any


Anyone know of some

Catch 22

i seem to be in a catch 22, and i really don't know what to do

Back story


You all know that Daniel and I seem to get pregnant with out even trying or even wanting to be (I'm sorry if that sounds harsh to everyone though to be honest all 3 children and peanut were not planed one bit)
My SIL is having problems getting pregnant, i'm not sure if she has ever been  pregnant before or not,i thinks he is 12 years older than me and hubby (we are 25) and as far as i know she has bee n BCP for a god while,
With every pregnancy i have sent out "belly photos" to everyone including her as i havent wanted her to feel left out

This point in day

I get a txt from her the other day asking me not to send her any more photos as she finds them upsetting, as her and her son to be husband have had no luck (in the mean time i know she isnt happy for us), she has a wedding coming up in 10 weeks (i'll been 23 weeks along, and will have a big belly by then)
if it upsets her now, howis it going o be when i sow up to the wedding with Daniel and i have this huge belly on me,

Catch 22


Don't show up to the wedding to spare her feelings, and then possibly be the worse person in the world as she came to ours OR Go to the wedding with a huge belly and make her upset  as i will have the big huge pregnant belly that she has always wanted and does not have


Either way i am going to be in the shit, either i can wreak her big day, or i can just be a selfish mole and not show up (thats how it comes across to me)



Q: what would you do if my catch 22 was your catch 22?

Sick,

Well yet again the kids are sick AGAIN!!!!!!

They only ever seem to be well for abut a week then are sick again....

The doctor came out Thursday night to check Deacan out listened to his chest looked in his ears and took his temp and said that he was ok, that his chest was clear, and to keep an eye on him for 24 to 48 hours,
So Friday came sent him to daycare
they gave me a call, to say they were really worried about him, Picked him up he was coughing full on, nose running same with eyes and they were red as well, called doctors again, he came out looked over Deacan again said his chest was still clear though he has an upper respiratory infection and put him on antibiotics, Saturday he was still the same nose is getting better though cough is getting worse, then today (Sunday) he is still the same, coughing less though when he coughs he coughs for longer!!!!!! and now he has the runs!!!! just to add something else in there with the mix

Called 13HEALTH and the lady said to get him into the Doctor  tomorrow morning, as his antibiotics may be to strong for him!!! though listening to him tonight i can see it will be a hospital night as the cough is one o the nastiest cough i have ever heard him have....

So thats all deacan


Jason isn't to bad, he has the normal teething stuff, plus now eczema his isn't to bad, just have to put steroid cream on him twice a day for 2 weeks


And to top it all off, yet again my throat is all swollen and i eel i am coming down with a head cold, I am so sick of all this illness, i guess winter isn't around for much longer so guess the kids wont be sick for much longer

So Scared

How am i not men to be scared?


I posted a thing about it on my FB just basically just saying that peanut was god, strong heartbeat though i had bleeding around y placenta


then a "so called" friend said this to me

"dont mean to scare you though that happen to me i lost my child at 16 weeks"

WTF!!!!! she know my history she KNOWS i lost my son from an  IC and a Placentral abruption.... you dont tell that to a mother!!!!!!!!

can't do it again

Im currently 13w2d pregnant


I have had a SCH since 6 weeks gestation, i have ad bleeding on and of all the way through, an i have had 2 gushess of blood in 24 ours, at bout 10 weeks,


I had my NT scan yesterday and the tech said that i have bleeding all around my placenta edges, and depending how she turn the rod thing she could make them all join to one big one, she also said that i am at higher risk of having  another abruption

I had one with DS1 and it basically killed me with blood loss, i am so scared its going to happen again,
Im so scared i am going o have to bury another child (mentally and physically i will not cope)
Im scared that this peanut will be born really early and we will not be as lucky as we were with DS2 and DS3

My cervix is 4cm log at the moment with no funneling or shortening, so i know thats a good sign, and peanut has a strong heart rate of 155bpm, so thats a god thing to, though i have all the other stuff running though my head,

one of those days

I think i am just having one of those down in the dumps hormonal days, where you just be really hard on yourself,  where everything yo do you think isn't right,
I really want to do something with myself and my life and i just have no idea what, i want to write a book, that can help other parents to show them that they are not alone and help with things that i have found helped me with everything, though i honestly don't know where to start,  what to say  or even what to do, I dont know what to even write about



Q, if you as going to buy a good/or hire one out what would you want to read about?

Boys First day

the boys first day at their new daycare was great,

to start with Jason only stayed with me for 5 mins then left to go and play though deacan wasn't to sure about the center,

though called them around 1pm to see how their days were going
and deacan and Jason both ate morning tea (fruit) Jason went back for seconds WTF!!! he never eats fruit for me!!!!

And lunch was fish fingers with pasta and veg and tomato sauce and BOTH of them ate it, and Jason went back for seconds again!!!!! he has NEVER ate meat or veg for me!!!!!!

they both slept well at daycare, Jason had a sleep and wake up crying as he didnt know where he was though as soon as the carer sat with him he was fine

And to top it off i asked jason when we were leaving do you want to come back tomorrow and he was like ya ya ya (his way of saying yes )

yum!!!!

I feel like pan cakes, with maple syrup with cream and peanut butter, and chocolate topping!!!!!!!!

Mornings

Every morning in this house hold is such a pain in the butt, and very busy between getting Daniel up for work and the kids ready for daycare, then trying to clean up dishes bottles etc, its full on,

I get up most mornings between 4.30am and 5am, then need to get Daniel up at 5.30am then the boys wake up any where from 6am onwards we leave here between 7 and 8am, to get them to daycare....

I really hate mornings

Food Time

Food time is always a hassle here at home with Both Jason and Deacan, its always a fight to get them to eat, sit still and eat, or not to make a mess,
I can never seem to get the boys to eat meat or veg, though you put pasta or anything else down in front of them and they will eat it

I'm not sure what to do, i have both boys still on formula until they are eating better, though it doesnt matter what i do to the meat or veg they will no eat it!!!!!!!


Q, If you have kids how do you get them to eat meat and veg?

Watch my belly grow!!!

So i thought it would be a good idea, to  put all the belly photos up that i have and you can watch it grow as i have felt it grow

3 Weeks (Just found out)

4 Weeks

5 Weeks

6 Weeks

7 weeks

8 weeks

9 weeks

10 weeks

11 Weeks

12 weeks

I feel like it has grown heaps, though thats just me :)

Pregnacy

Why do people tend to treat pregnant people differently? I find once people realize that i am pregnant they treat me differently, like i have some sort of disease
I'll be at the shopping center getting food or nappies etc, and people are like, "oh wait ill get that for you" or "oh its OK i can do that for you"
I go to the service station to put fuel in "you shouldn't be doing that in your condition... your husband should be here to help"
Like yeah i understand that people wan to help and are just being kind, though it makes me feel like i have a disability Maybe its just my hormones, though it just really makes me angry

Q. have you or anyone else had this happen to them? if so what did you do

Adding more

So i have been thinking about adding ore to my blog, though I'm not really sure what to add... any suggestions on what you would like to see here? any information that you think would be a great reference tool for yourself?

As i am not sure what to add,  and i know my older blog is full of things, like information ETC, though im not the one ho will be reading it all the time, so thisis where i put it to you


Q. what would you like to see here? what sort of information would really help you out?

13 weeks scan coming up

well on f\Friday the 8th July i have my NT scan for peanut, i'm really looking forward to it, i am hoping we are able to kinda see the gender of him/her, As much as i would love to have a girl (After having 3 boys) i think a boy would be easier...

Though as long as the heart is beating that is all that matters :)



Q, have you been for an early scan and found out the gender? if so how far along were you and was the gender prediction right?

So excited

Im so excited for a really god/close friend of mine :-)  she starts IVF next month :-) she is a wonderful lady , she has been there for me when ever i have needed her, Oh i dont know whos more excited her or me LOL!!!!

Progesterone

So i called a couple of chemists today regarding the type of progesterone that i need and the prices for it, most of them come in a box 100, so for the 100mg box of 100 it costs $100 and the price goes up for the higher ones and its not covered by medicare or the pension card, so i need to come up with $100 upfront,
I really cant afford that to be honest,

I know you cant put a price on your unborn child's life, though by the time you pay rent ETC and dont even have $10 spare a week, how am i meant to come up with at least $100 I dont have private health insurance let alone being able to cover the fortnightly payments, plus be on the waiting period for 2 months before you can claim and i need to start buying it 

GRR what to do!!!!!!! plus to top it off the OB isnt giving me the stitch this time :(

Making money from home

so Daniel and I have tried to do though "make Money From Home" things that you see online all the time and we were ripped off from it we put about $200 into it and didn't get anything out of it, so i just seen a different one and thought i would fill it in and give it a go, so the guy called me about it asked me a couple of questions the turned around and asked if we had $140 to start it up today, i said NO a we just dont it, and he said that we needed it to start it up and hung up on me,
Um like honestly who has a spare $140 that they can just throw around? i know we honestly dont, we 2 kids to feed and having 4 adults living in my house, i thin the 140 would be better spent else where
I have just started to do AVON again to try and make some extra money


Q. what do you do to try and save money or make a little extra?

Almost 3 1/2 years

its almost been 3 1/2 years since we said good bye to Bryce, i still get really teary eyed thinking about him and the what "ifs"  some days are really good like the pain is still there though its not hurting as much as it normally does. though there are still days where i would do anything i could to bring him back and hate myself  for not holding him that much, for not telling him every single day i carried him inside me,


Wow this must make me sound so selfish...  As i have two adorable little boys here at home with me, and another little peanut on the way, i do real love my boys i really do, though i guess i just wonder most days what it would  be like to have 3 little boys running around home with me

The way People treat each other

So i have noticed with a due date board that i on, that some of the ladies are really nasty, Some can be quite nasty towards me, they had a go/shot at me for not going on and talking to them about their other little ones, and only posting when i want to know stuff (Most of the time i dont know how to respond to what they right or i just flat out dont know what they are talking about) though when i do go on there to show an intrest there are some real hurtful stuff on there about me or towards other people, oh and also about my grammar or how my words stick together or i am missing letters out, though my keyboard is stuffed it sticks in places, and doesnt work, and i just type really fast and post, 3/4 of the time i dont even notice a red line under neither showing a spelling mistake, though any way i guess i'll suck it up and deal with it,

Though i dont even know why i bother going on there as the stuff they write about other people is just down right horrible, or they go to another little section and write what ever they want abut people and then others send it to me, GRR makes me really angry and i want to post something as a reply to stick up for myself, though it just adds more fuel to the fire so there is just no point

Q. if this was happening to you what would you do? and how would you respond?

12 weeks

I am so happy i am now 12 weeks along :)

there Is my lovely belly :)