Heart Breaks

My heart is breaking for a very good friend of mine that i have known since high school, her sister and her partner lost their son Henry John Richardson/Reid may i please ask for everyone who sent prayers my way for Jade to please send them to my friends sister and partner who could really use them for strength to get through this horrible time :(

Sex

I am so looking forward to Daniel getting home on time from work (when ever that might be) i have finally stopped my PPAF and so looking forward to being able to jump him,

We havent been able to DTD since about 12 weeks into my pregnancy with jade, though i am kinda scared  of jumping him as i think it will hurt, and i am terrified of getting pregnant again :(

Information

I really want to add some information to my blog as links that can really help out you guys the ones who read my blog mostly, though i really dont know what to add... as i want it to be helpful for everyone and add more and more to it as i need to though i really need to know what you guys want on there,

Expressing log

I know i have done a lot of these, though i thought if i put the full list down, it might also be able to give me an insite with my supply and possibly get some help with what to do to increase it

9/11/11 - 32mls
10/11/11 - 67.2mls
11/11/11 - 75mls
12/11/11 - 74mls (emotional day)
13/11/11 - 69.6mls
14/11/11 - 73mls
15/11/11 - 72.5mls
16/11/11 - 77.1mls
17/11/11 - 110.5mls
18/11/11 - 170mls
19/11/11 - 140mls
20/11/11 - 220mls
21/11/11 - 280mls
22/11/11 - 245mls
23/11/11 - 320mls ( Jades quota is 312mls per day)
24/11/11 - 320mls
25/11/11 - 360mls
26/11/11 - 345mls
27/11/11 - 365mls
28/11/11 - 315mls
So far today  300mls (its only 3.35pm)


So as you can see it keeps going up and down Jades quota now is 345mls per day as she is on 29mls every 2 hours, and that will go up either tonight or tomorrow night when she gets re weighed, i really think i am going to have my work cut out for me, i am averaging 9 to 10 expresses per day, and trying my hardest to get up once during the night for an express, though i set my alarm it wakes me up i turn it off and i fall back asleep :(

Milk Supply

Well it looks like my milk supply is dropping :(
I really wanted to be able to breast feed this time around :(
I have been on the medication to help increase it though it was working until i got messed around by the doctor getting another script done and had to cut it down, so now i need to re build it back up

Jade is having a few breast feeds if she is awake and looking for it, she doesn't last long on the breast though i know she gets a bit of milk from me, as when they go to top her up will a full feed from her NG tube, they syringe at least 3ml out,

I have tried to up my protein intake as well, though its hard at the moment to get time to eat as i have been so flat out, trying to get sleep as well is the hard bit to,

I am thinking about buying though weight loss bars (not that i need to loose weight) so i can eat them on the run when i dont have time to sit and eat a full on meal, and i also know that they are high in protein as well,

Does anyone have any tips for something quick to eat that can help??

Nearly to an end

Well 2011 is nearly at an end, i really dont know where the time has gone, Or really what has happened this year, as the past 3 weeks have been a blur let along almost 52 weeks

So much stuff this year i am very thankful for,

The birth of Jade,
My husband
My mother (who has been here giving me a hand through the pregnancy and still helping out)
My close friends and family,
People all over the world for their prayers for little Jade
My boys staying healthy and growing strong,
my little angle Bryce watching over us keeping us all safe,

I really wonder what 2012 will bring for us? I am hoping to be returning to work, to give Daniel a bit of a hand, I hope the boys are a lot better behaved, and i pray that Jade will come out of all of this with out any brain damage, and that she will be home with us before 2012

Sorry

Im sorry that i havent been on much to update i  hardly find time to get on any more, i think i need to hook it up so i can blog on my mobile either if its a txt or email, though that might be easier,

Jade is doing well, she is now in Special Care, in bed 666 not to happy about the bed number though, we attempted our first breast feed yesterday she was great, had a bit of a problem getting her to latch on though she fed for about 5 to 10 mins, and then they gave her, her feed after though i think they might of over fed her LOL

Boys are doing good, not to much to report on them,

other than everything else staying the same i swear i am coming down with a head cold of some sort :( so that means i cant be up there to see my baby girl :(

Need to Scream

So i have been keeping this in for a while and things have just been building up so i just need to let them out, things might not be in order or make much sense though i just need to vent

the past 3 weeks have gone so fast, plus have also felt like a nightmare, between having Jade, moving house and just the general stuff, i am completely exhausted, I haven't had time for anything or any one, the boys have suffered big time and it breaks my heart :(

Im up at the hospital every day, from any where from 3 hours to 9 hours a day, sitting beside my little girl, plus doing her cares, feeding her and just letting her know that i am there, and talking with doctors to find out the plan of attack etc, I know it is a mothers job though it is very tiring to be honest and very draining,

I have been trying my hardest with the boys, though they have suffered as i have just been so tired, and so busy they haven't gotten as much attention as they have liked or i have liked though i do try to spend a bit of time with them, though its pretty hard to when i am at the hospital all the time or i am home trying to clean up or cook, or look after 3 adults, and 2 kids plus myself

I still haven't unpacked the whole house yet, our garage is still packed full of boxes, and there is stuff that we need in them though i just don't have the energy to unpack them, let alone know where things are going to go,

I feel like i am the maid around this house, As i seem to be the one who does the cleaning, Washing, Cooking, etc, i know the other do help out, though probably not as much as i would like, i guess its just the small stuff, like after i cook it would be nice if someone else packed the dishwasher, and put it on, or someone else decided to do the washing for me, i don't know i guess i am just complaining about nothing there, though i just feel like everyone's maid

Daniel is out of the house more than what he is in it, between work and him going out to have a life, is starting to get really annoying, as he is basically never home and the kids hardly get a chance to see him, so then again it makes it harder on me, like last night he went out for a "boys night" he went to the movies and the pub with his best mate, like dont get me wrong i dont mind him spending time with his best mate, as they have been friends ever since they were young, and he is going through relationship problems so Daniel is there to help, though it would be nice if Daniel offered to take me out for a change or spend some time with me, though no its ok he can go out have a life and leave the kids with me know all to well just how tired that i am, I would love to be able to go out and just have some time to myself with some friends, though between Being up at the hospital for jade (as no one else will sit p there with her), looking after the kids (when they are not in daycare), cleaning the house, and cooking oh and expressing, there is just not enough hours in the day,

My day starts at 4.30 every morning if not earlier, and doesn't end until 10.30pm if not later, I know i am just bitching about mother hood and its just a part of life though i really need to get this out, and it is stressing me out and i am at the point that i am about to scream,

On another note, i really don't know why Daniel is giving relationship advice, maybe he should take some of his own, though his own marriage is on the rocks, so maybe he should try and fix that first before trying to fix someone elses,

Maybe its just my hormones, maybe its just because i am so tired, though everything is just eating up at me and i just needed to vent, sorry for such the long post though just needed to get it out

though i guess Such Is Life, hey

Expressing log

24/11/11 - 385 mls

More Kind Words and Prayers

I came across yesterday some more kind words and prayers for jade in Tiny Glimmers the amount of support that we are getting for Jade is just humbling we have everyone world wide praying for her

Expressing log

23/11/11 320mls




Jade is only on 26ml every 2 hours, her quota for the day is 312mls, woot woot i made just over what she needs

Expressing log

22/11/11 - 245mls down 35mls :(

More Kind Words and Prayers

Garret Niwa

Just sending this out to as many people as possible. This is Jade Atkinson. She was born premature and is having a little difficulty acclimating to the outside world and currently is experiencing seizures and a brain bleed. Her Mommy, Sarah, and I were both due in January, and through a group of wonderful ladies, we have come to know her family and this precious little baby girl. Please keep her family in your thoughts and praters.

Saturday at 10:22am · 

Sheri Hardison

This is Little Jade Atkinson her mommie is Sarah Maree Atkinson a facebook gaming online friend of mine. Though we have never meet I consider her my friend. Little Jade is very sick please prayer for her. Her mommy, Daddy and two big brothers want her well and at home. Pray God we ask for your healing hands to touch lil Jade's underdeveloped lil body and stops the seizures she is having in your Gracious Heavenly name. Amen.

Saturday at 3:40am ·

another update on Jade

SO jade has taken another turn

She is more than likely going back onto CPAP tonight, as she is having WAY to many Bradies and Apneas, that have taken lots of stimulation to bring her out of

the doctors have told me they are pretty sure its to do with an infection though nothing in her blood work is showing an infection....

Also her lungs are very cloudy as well. so looks like there might be an infection on her lungs to,

she is having an EEG tonight or tomorrow to check for her abnormal brain movements,

Im really scared for my baby girl, i know she is a fighter and that she is strong, though i am SO SO SO SO SO scared that we are going to loose her

Kind words from People

I'm just really shocked from all the kind words and support that people are giving us for Little Jade,
i noticed today that there are a few things going around Facebook for her

Gail Harvey

Please friends, take a minute out to say a quick prayer for one of my friend's newborn daughter. She was born premature & is having some pretty serious medical issues. She is just the sweetest looking baby and a real fighter. Her Mom is one of the strongest, bravest women I know. She has two small children at home and just keeps getting up each day & fighting the fight. I don't know where she gets... the strength. They live in Australia and it is just amazing how much you can care for a family that you have never met and probably never will. It is such a helpless feeling to be so far away and not able to physically help her out. Utter frustration for me. So, please prayers for this little angel and her family. Thanks. xxxoooxxx

 

 and this one as well

Jaclyn Smallmon

Hi all, just asking if you'll either copy and paste this or take afew moments to pray for a precious little baby girl who's fighting for her life. Born at only 30weeks and 3 days gestation little Jade Sydney Atkinson has endured many medical problems during her short time in this world. Please pray to keep her spirit fighting. Xoxo

 

 

Thank you to everyone for everything you have all done, it brings tears to my eyes, knowing that there are so many kind hearted people out there, and most of you i will never have a chance to thank you in person

 

Expressing log

21/11/11 - 280mls

better run down with Jade

The doctors said i had 2 infections that caused her to be born, one was on my placenta (H.influenza) and the other one was in my waters some chrono thing (sorry dont remember the name or the spelling)

When Jade was born she didnt move much at all, or barely breathed, her first apgur was 4 then scored 2 lots of 8 after that,

Long story short Jade had a 2nd degree brain bleed, and now her 2 ventricles are now enlarged the doctors said it was blood clots,  she had seizures on friday full on convulsions, though not convulsions after that, they gave her anti seizure meds to help and i am guessing that it did, now she has been having abnormal brain activity, and every time that she has that, she has a brady, apnea and her resps all drop, everyone that she is having is taking more and more stimulation to get her out of it, and the recovery time is taking longer longer, she doesnt have them continuously though will have a row of them then another then another row of them, though she is starting to have more and more in each row,

The doctors did mention that the brain bleed can turn into brain damage as well, and that is fine DH and i will love her non the less, we jsut want to know if she does or not so we can give her the care that she needs and the support that she needs while being in the NICU and at home,

they have done 2 lumber punctures in 3 days the first one came back blood stained and the second one came back clear, all blood work now is fine no infection in that,   they have also sent of a soiled nappy and also a urine sample as well,

they done a chest xray when she was born and it showed that she had puemonia (sp)

Expressing log

20/11/11 - 220mls

Expressing log

19/11/11 - 140mls


It went down a little so today (20/11/11) i am going to try double pumping for most of the day to see if that helps increase it,


I am no where near making enough to what Jade needs in a day :( i think she is on 276mls per day, and it's only going to go up as she puts more weight on

Why us? Why Jade?

SO yesterday wasn't a very  good day at all, well the start of it was great, i got to the hospital to see Jade and was told she was moving to special care, I thought that was awesome, she a little bit later on while we were in special care, i was just getting ready to express, and i noticed that Jade had started to shake then went into convulsions this started at 12.05pm, right in front of my eyes i was so scared i didn't know what to do, or how to help her, the nurse called for the doctor straight away and he came running, and how i started to get pushed out of the way so the doctors and nurses could do their work and to make sure that Jade was OK, I went out to grab a coffee while the doctors were there, as i was just getting in peoples way and i needed to tell Daniel what was going on, i left my mobile number with the nurse and told her i would be back in 10 mins, i was on my way back when i got the phone call from the nurse to say that she was getting moved back to ICU1 Critical Care Unit, when i got in there there were Doctors everywhere, they Put Jade on a Brains Monitor, to monitor her brain waves, and to see if she was having/had any more Seizures, seeing them putting monitors into her head broke my heart, they had to put them just under the skin, All i wanted to do was to hold her and to tell her that everything was going to be ok,

The doctor then came to me and started talking to me so i knew what was going on, at this stage i was in the corner bawling my eyes out, She said that they had picked up on her last Head ultrasound that Jade had, had a 2nd degree Brain Bleed and they though that this could of been what was causing the seizures and that they were going to keep Jade on the Brains Monitor for 24 hours to see if they could pick up any more (thats if she had any more) And that they were also going to do another Brain Ultrasound, bloods, Blood Gases and a lumber puncture

This morning i called for an update to see how she was over night, and she had had another lot of abnormal brain activity, they wasnt sure if it was another seizure or not, though still waiting for the higher up Doctors to come and assess, also when this happened her heart rate went to 230bpm,

The Doctors have also told us, due to the brain bleed we could be facing Disability or Brain Damage though Daniel and I will cross that road if we ever come to it

Jade is stable at the moment, though i am not allowed to hold her and if i touch her it can only be for a couple of minutes, i feel so useless, my little girl is sick for some reason, and there is nothing that i can do to help her or to make all this stop :(

Expressing log

18/11/11 - 160mls

Weight Check in

Jade is now 1630g Up from 1626 put on 4 grams

Expressing log

17/11/11 - 110.5mls

Looks like the medication is working

Why?

Why do i feel like it is my fault that my baby girl was born early for? I know my body cant hold a pregnancy that long, though for once it wasn't my body rejecting the baby I had an infection, I am still stumped to "how" i got it, and the doctors wont say how either (I'm guessing that they don't know)

though my infection almost killed her :( they said that i had Haemophilus influenzae  that they found on placental swabs that they took
Its like the guilt all over again, I already hold guilt from loosing Bryce, and now with my body almost killing Jade so to speak of, it really upsets me, Was there anything i could of done to prevent this? should i have made the doctors listen to me more when i told them that something wasn't right?

Expressing log

9/11/11 - 32mls
10/11/11 - 67.2mls
11/11/11 - 75mls
12/11/11 - 74mls
13/11/11 - 69.6mls
14/11/11 - 73mls
15/11/11 - 72.5mls
16/11/11 - 77.1mls

Princess is here

Welcome To The World

Jade Sydney Atkinson

1626g (3lb 9 oz)

42cm long (16")

Little Jade was born on the 6th November at 9.49pm,

Moving

well i am so happy to say that Daniel and I have got a new place to move into, we move in as of the weekend, i am really looking forward to it, the house is the same per week as we pay here now,  tough it has an extra bedroom, it also has a double car garage, a dishwasher and it's also got a big back yard that is fully fenced, so now te kids can run inside and outside as much as they like and actually play outside now,

back home again

well i am now back home from hospital AGAIN!! still pregnant, I am now 29 weeks and 5 days gestation,  I had another ultrasound today, and found out that i am no longer fully effaced I now have 5.5mm left of my cervix in length, I am happy about this though i would really like for my body to make up it's mind and really cut all this out, I got to see little princess today and she is so cute :) the technician switched it over to 3D and yeah she is just beautiful